displaced energy

I don't like feeling helpless, unable to change the outcome of a situation, no matter what. Imagine your team is down by one run in the 9th inning as you beam every bit of energy you have straight to the eyes, reflexes and bat of your team's last hitter standing ready at the plate. All you want from the universe is that one blooper base hit with a runner at third. You don't need the homerun, you just need a vibration of hope.

It was like this with my mother passing away. We watched and hoped for something, unable to do anything except look at the surgeon for another chance for her under the knife. This lasted six months.

There are a few ways of processing this feeling of ineffectiveness:

• Give in to it and recognize universal energy and its flow. Passive by definition, this approach makes sense. We might call it coping by disconnection. I routinely use this method for life events that require an explanation that is not forthcoming. An example might be not getting a position you've interviewed for. Elements of the hiring process are beyond your control, and the list of events conspiring against you will not be sent to you in the mail. The energy flow did not conduct in such a way that got you hired. Or, the energy flow acted just as it should have, thereby keeping you available for something else. A friend of ours calls this approach the F.I.D.O principle; F it and drive on.

• The other approach I call the principle of displaced energy. Once we got over the shock of the 17 months that separated our mother's deaths and all that went with these events, we looked at each other and agreed we had to do something. Doing something is almost always better than doing nothing. In our case, the energy unleashed by sadness funneled into planning and goal setting. This ride is helping us not only process and move on, but it will also clear our heads a bit to make room so we can remember.

over and out